During our lives we will all have to go through some kind of watershed: losing a loved one, moving house, or city, or country; getting sick, losing a job, going through a significant restructure at work, or starting over - a new job, new relationship, having a baby…
Right now, as we plunge into a global pandemic, humanity is engulfed in the fear of the great unknown, full of uncertainty.
Uncertainty + Fear = Anxiety
Anxiety + Social contagion = Panic
As we collectively hold our breath from one day to the next, waiting to see how things unfold, I would like to offer these points for reflection to help us stay focused, calm and kind.
1. DON'T CATASTROPHISE
Just because you are worrying or thinking about what is about to happen, it doesn't mean that it's entirely true. It almost certainly isn’t 100% accurate. It probably isn't the only way things can turn out.
The leading cause of our anxiety isn’t about the situation itself. Rather, it is the rumination, the tendency to keep re-thinking while attaching negative emotion to those thoughts.
Our minds tend to go into the unintended rehearsal for disaster (the unintended being the keyword here).
Stay as close as you can to the facts. Share reliable, factual information and counter the voices of panic and fear. Stay focused.
2. FOCUS WITHIN THE CIRCLE OF CONTROL
Write down 3 things that worry you the most right now.
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Below that, draw a large circle.
The inside of the circle is the stuff that's within your control. Now write down what you can control about the situation within the circle.
Draw another, thinner circle around it - this is the sphere of influence. Write down some of the things that you can influence. The outside of these two circles is out of your control.
Do your best to keep your attention within the circle of control.
Most of our worries are outside our circle of control. That's why they are so tremendously draining.
Remind yourself that you can still care about your work, your team and your family — without ruminating and worrying excessively about them.
3. DON’T JUST REACT - TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HOW YOU ARE RESPONDING
How you respond to change and uncertainty depends entirely on your mindset.
Some questions you could ask yourself:
What is an opportunity in this situation I haven't seen yet?
What can I take responsibility for in this situation?
What is the next simple, proactive step I can take?
What can I learn from this?
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” - Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
4. BE PRESENT
When our minds are ruminating and we are overwhelmed by worry, we are not present, and our ability to see things clearly is compromised. We run on autopilot. Since all rumination happens during this state, the first step is to practice being present. Find moments of clarity and safety by returning to THIS moment.
Take a moment now, even as you read this, and come back to your senses. Re-focus your attention on what you can hear, see, smell, taste and feel within your body. For a moment or two, stay focused on these perceptions, without adding extra.
Mindfulness is about paying attention, in the present moment. It is an intentional act, something you do on purpose, again and again, by deliberately refocusing when your mind wanders, back to here and now, from one moment to the next.
Practice S.T.O.P.
Stop
Take a breath
Observe
Proceed
5. STAY CALM AND BREATHE!
Breathing is the only autonomic bodily function you can regulate. By regulating you can activate the parasympathetic nervous system which is responsible for relaxation. Check out some breathing exercises in my previous article.
In his book The Worry Solution, Dr Martin Rosmann names 3 key things that help activate the parasympathetic nervous system:
Abdominal breath
Muscle relaxation
Positive affect
"Feelings are much like waves; we can't stop them from coming, but we can choose which one to surf." - Jonatan Martensson
6. LOOK AFTER YOURSELF
When dealing with change and uncertainty, many intense emotions can arise: fear, anxiety, self-doubt, anger and panic. Learn to befriend your experience and develop self-compassion - acknowledge your emotions instead of fighting them.
Be kind to yourself. Reach out to a friend or a mentor. Do some calming practice such as yoga or mindfulness and meditation. Learn to self-regulate and self-soothe – there are many free resources available online such as Headspace, Insight Timer and Calm among others.
Go back to basics. Re-establish healthy routines: get enough sleep, eat well and stay hydrated, exercise and go for daily walks, reach out to friends and close to loved ones, do something fun that brings you joy!
Stay healthy – you know the drill – wash your hands regularly, avoid unnecessary close contact and travel, stay home when unwell and seek medical advice early.
7. BE KIND
These are the times to consider those who are more vulnerable than us. Elderly, people running a small business, self-employed contract workers. Offer love and assistance to those who need it most.
Let’s pledge to be good humans in these trying times. Let’s help each other stay afloat.