"Change is inevitable, progress is optional." Tony Robbins
During the course of our lives we will all have to go through a rite of passage: losing a loved one, moving house, or city, or country; getting sick, losing a job, going through a significant restructure at work, or starting over - a new job, new relationship, having babies…We are also dealing with changes people close to us go through as well.
Winston Churchill once famously exclaimed: "Life is one bloody thing after another!", so we best make friends with it!
Here are seven steps to embrace change and develop change resilience:
1. ALLOW and ACCEPT
Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be - Dr. Wayne Dyer
What if the change isn't the problem? What if the real problem is our inability to manage our expectations, to respond to what is actually happening with clarity and without grasping? After all, if we can't cope with what is happening, it must be because we have had an expectation, a deeply held preference for what SHOULD happen, rather than what IS happening. It's important to not mistakenly think that acceptance and giving up are the same. The latter is born out of ignorance, the former out of insight.
The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change - Carl Rogers
2. FOCUS WITHIN THE CIRCLE OF CONTROL
Grab a piece of paper and at the top write down the significant change you are dealing with right now.
Write down 3 things that worry you the most. What keeps you awake at night?
1. __________________________________________________________
2. __________________________________________________________
3. __________________________________________________________
Bellow that, draw a large circle.
The inside of the circle is the stuff that's within your control. The outside is of your control. Now write down what you can control about the situation within the circle.
Most of our worries are outside our circle of control. That's why they are so tremendously draining.
Remind yourself that you can care still care about your work, your team, your family — without worrying about them.
3. DON'T CATASTOPHIZE
Just because you are worrying or thinking about something, doesn't mean that it's true. It isn't the only way things can turn out.
"The leading cause of our stress about the situation is rumination, the tendency to keep re-thinking past or future events while attaching negative emotion to those thoughts." Nick Petrie.
Its what one of my clients calls the unintended rehearsal for disaster. The unintended being the key part of the rumination.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened - Mark Twain
4. BE PRESENT
When our minds are ruminating and we are overwhelmed by worry, we are not present, and our ability to see things clearly is compromised. We end up auto-piloting through life. Since all rumination happens during this state, the first step is to practice being present.
Mindfulness teaches us to have more clarity and find greater acceptance, to be where you are and be okay with where you are. This in turn enables us to move forward in more creative and less reactive ways.
5. LOOK AFTER YOURSELF
When dealing with change and loss, many intense emotions arise: fear, grief, anxiety, self-doubt, anger, frustration, betrayal, disappointment, and so on. So learn to befriend your experience and develop self-compassion - acknowledge your emotions instead of fighting them.
Be kind to yourself. Reach out to a friend or a counselor. Focus on healthy routines. Get enough sleep, go for daily walks, practice yoga and mindfulness, do something fun that brings you joy!
My physio has a saying - don't just try to feel better, try to better feel!
BREATHE! The easiest way to make stress intermittent lies in something that you have to do every day anyway: breathing.
6. REFLECT WISELY – DEVELOP A GROWTH MINDSET
How you respond to change depends entirely on your mindset. Cultivating a growth mindset is the secret of mental and emotional agility.
Some questions you could ask yourself:
What can I learn from this?
What is an opportunity in this situation I haven't seen yet?
What can I take responsibility for in this situation?
What is the next step I can take?
Practice appreciation and gratitude. Notice what's not broken and celebrate small wins each day!
A non-toothache is a wonderful thing - Thich Nhat Hanh
7. LET GO!
Now you are finally ready to let go. Learning to let go is not easy, but mastering it is the secret of attaining an agile mindset..