In his book Untethered Soul, Michael A Singer proposes a radical idea - happiness is a decision we need to make and stick to regardless of what happens.
Most of us don’t dare give ourselves that choice because we don't think that it’s under our control. We believe that happiness depends on things outside ourselves – getting things, achieving things and things going right for us. We all have a very deep-seated set of preferences that determines conditions under which we can be happy – I can be happy if… but not if…
Perhaps we need to redefine our idea of happiness. The moment we think about it, we see images of overseas holidays, happy couples, beautiful homes, nice things… all of it external and needing to be acquired. We are, after all, the children of our materialist culture.
But what if the source of happiness is already present within us, what if it doesn’t need acquiring, but rather needs space to be experienced? What if happiness is more akin to contentment, to inner peace and finding joy in the present moment?
The neurosis of our daily doing and keeping ourselves busy and distracted is the antithesis of happiness. Being happy is about doing less and being present more, with ourselves, with our loved ones, and things that give us joy. It's about giving ourselves permission to engage in meaningful pursuits and experience the joy of being alive. We tend to give our happiness away too easily – sometimes a single glance, a word, or even an absence of words can make us miserable for hours, even days.
I invite you to play with this idea of being happy on purpose.
Shawn Achor, TED speaker and the author of Happiness Advantage says that the three greatest predictors of happiness are optimism (the belief your behaviour will eventually matter), social connection, and how we perceive stress (as a challenge or as a threat). If we want to raise happiness we need to make both mindset and behaviour shifts.
He says the five key steps that we can take each day to increase our happiness are and recommends following these steps for 21 days to feel an effect:
Bring gratitude to mind - Write down three NEW things that you are grateful for each day
Journal - About a positive experience you’ve had recently for 2 minutes once a day
Exercise - Engage in 15 minutes of mindful cardio activity
Meditate – Watch your breath go in and out for 5 minutes a day and
Engage in a random, conscious act of kindness – Write a 2-minute positive email thanking a friend or colleague, or authentically compliment someone.