Connecting mindfully to self, others and the world around you
All meaningful connections begin with the ability to be present and pay attention. But we need to know how to pay attention wholeheartedly, in the right way.
Jon Kabat Zinn defined MINDFULNESS as the “ability to pay attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally”. In other words, it is an intentional activity, a choice and a skill set.
When we pay attention inwardly, we begin to learn about ourselves and develop self -awareness.
Self-awareness is the ability to see ourselves clearly. To understand who we are, how we fit into the world, and how other people see us. This is easier said than done - Tasha Eurich had found through her research that self-aware people were so rare she called them “self-awareness unicorns”! (You can explore self-awareness further and find out more about the research in my previous article https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/what-self-awareness-why-does-matter-maya-nova/)
When we pay attention to another, we are developing empathy.
The greatest gift we can offer to another human being is the gift of our authentic presence and our undivided attention. Nursing scholar, Theresa Wiseman defines four attributes of empathy:
1. To be able to see the world as others see it
2. To be non-judgmental
3. To understand another person's feelings, and
4. To be able to communicate the understanding of that person's feeling.
Brene Brown in her Dare to Lead work adds the 5th attribute - Mindfulness
Empathy is about standing in someone else's shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place." - Daniel H. Pink
In this short animated clip, Brene Brown explores the idea that sympathy drives disconnection, and empathy enables the connection. She says: "Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is a connection."
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou
When we pay attention inwardly to our experience, and outwardly to the world around us, we develop mindfulness.
Mindfulness can be a misleading term. It sounds like it's something we do with our heads only. Yet it’s more something we do with our whole being – It is a mind/heart/body practice. Mindfulness is a way of intentionally connecting to our body and mind – our sensory perceptions, thoughts and emotions and how we react to our moment to moment experience. It enables us to become more aware of our mindset – the positive and negative mental factors that drive our behaviour and how we can respond more consciously to them rather than merely react to the stimuli around us.
Ultimately, mindfulness enables us to become more deeply acquainted with the true nature of what it means to be a human being. It reduces our tendency to work on autopilot, allowing us to choose how we respond & react. Mindfulness teaches us to respond calmly to situations and stressors, to recognize our unhealthy mental and emotional habits, to become more patient and tolerant, less judgemental and kinder to others and ourselves.