At least not all the time.
As we move deeper into lock-down, those top layers of trying hard to maintain a sense of normalcy (for ourselves, our families and our teams)and keeping ourselves busy are wearing thin. Seeping through, sometimes in the quiet of the night, are those murky, confusing, anxious rumblings of our minds struggling to make sense of it all.
A new report from The Wellbeing Lab and AHRI reveals the impact of the pandemic and shows workers need HR’s support now more than ever. Over eighty per cent of workers say their struggles increased since the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic. You can look at the article here.
I have been starting my webinars this past week by asking people how they are feeling. In the safety of the chat function, words are appearing on the screen: anxious, overwhelmed, up and down, worried, tired, grumpy, not sleeping well, having bad dreams, active, worried about losing my job, worried about the long-term impact on the economy, etc.
And afterwards, many times: Thank you, I feel relieved that it's not just me.
As I encouraged people to check-in, it has struck me that many of us may not have the emotional literacy to name our feelings. We may not know how to sit with them and befriend them. We are not familiar with looking inside ourselves, because we have been so busy on the outside for so long.
Yet, what we know from research is that people who can better label their emotions have better resilience.
Inuits have twenty names for snow, we have only one.
The nuance of self-awareness comes through familiarity and close observation. Here are some suggestions for nuances you may discover in your feelings:
ANGRY may feel: agitated, annoyed, frustrated, oppressed, outraged, challenged, competitive, adamant, vehement, un-nourished
FEARFUL may feel: anxious, overwhelmed, uneasy, isolated, distraught, nervous exhausted, helpless, trapped, uneasy
SAD may feel: bitter, grieving, desperate, hurt, lonely, longing, vulnerable, sentimental weepy, worried, defeated
HAPPY may have other names like: joyful, awed, delighted, excited, glad, relaxed safe, satisfied, vital, hopeful, content, energised
Last week I read the HBR article which suggested that what we are collectively experiencing in response to the global pandemic, may be grief. That made me stop and think - it’s true that we are all grieving the loss of something.
In the interview, David Kessler, worlds top expert on grief, said:
“We’re feeling a number of different griefs. We feel the world has changed, and it has. We know this is temporary, but it doesn’t feel that way, and we realize things will be different. Just as going to the airport is forever different from how it was before 9/11, things will change and this is the point at which they changed. The loss of normalcy; the fear of economic toll; the loss of connection. This is hitting us and we’re grieving. Collectively. We are not used to this kind of collective grief in the air.”
We’re also feeling anticipatory grief.
Understanding the stages of grief is a start. But whenever I talk about the stages of grief, I have to remind people that the stages aren’t linear and may not happen in this order. It’s not a map but it provides some scaffolding for this unknown world. There’s denial, which we say a lot of early on: This virus won’t affect us. There’s anger: You’re making me stay home and taking away my activities. There’s bargaining: Okay, if I social distance for two weeks everything will be better, right? There’s sadness: I don’t know when this will end. And finally there’s acceptance. This is happening; I have to figure out how to proceed.
Acceptance, as you might imagine, is where the power lies. We find control in acceptance. I can wash my hands. I can keep a safe distance. I can learn how to work virtually.”
So, my invitation to you this week is to press the purposeful pause, take a few deep, slow breaths, drop the anchor, relax, and then ask: How am I?
Sit with yourself for a few moments and observe, with curiosity and kindness. Resist the urge to judge or fix anything.
You may want to grab a pen and write down what you are noticing. Name it to tame it.
Then find one simple thing that you can do right now that would make you feel better and go ahead and do it. It may include doing nothing. Or you may want to go for a walk (a personal favourite); practice meditation or do some exercise for 10 minutes; do something fun or silly (I and my kids have been learning tik-tok dances - I am hilarious apparently); create something, anything; have a cry; ask for support and talk to a friend or mentor; or tick off a simple task on your to-do list.