Yesterday was one of those days.
They come, periodically, these days when I feel like I am sitting under a damp, heavy blanket. Everything requires effort as if I am moving through a thick, viscous substance. It is hard to get everything done.
Actually, not everything. Anything.
It’s hard to be clear, to find energy, inspiration and focus required to do meaningful work. Here is what helps me get through these rough patches, I hope that you will find it useful as well.
1. Allowing
“Only when I accept myself just as I am, only then I can change.” Carl Rogers
When we feel stuck, or exhausted or depressed there is an aversion to what is happening; we want to get rid of it, change it or fix it. Yet, the way forward is not through avoidance - that just leads us down a different path, and often, not a good one.
It is through acceptance. To get through the rough patch, we need to lean into the discomfort of experiencing it. We need to allow and accept this moment as it is to understand it. Understanding, seeing it as it is, gives us clarity and inspires the solution. This is the birthplace of wisdom.
Thankfully, nothing is permanent. This too shall evolve, change and eventually transform.
2. Noticing what’s in the way
My friend Suzy used to say: What’s in the way, is the way.
Noticing is not judgement. It is objective, simple. It requires observing and presence. We need to press pause and pay attention. One of my mantras is curiosity and kindness.
Once we have accepted feeling lousy, we can investigate with kindness: what is causing me to feel this way? What is getting in the way?
This is uncomfortable and humbling. It’s so much easier to discharge the discomfort by blaming someone or something else: the virus, the government, China, or our partner…
When we blame others, it gives us a temporary relief of discharging our own discomfort, but it’s not skillful - it creates conflict and brings no good results. When we blame others, we become a victim.
Instead, we can ask: what can I take ownership for in this situation? In my case it’s usually one of the following:
Expectations
Perfectionism
Worry/overthinking
Guilt and shame
Once I can see that this is actually causing the pain, I can respond. I can drop it, I can put the burden down.
3. Moving through it
Yesterday, the turning point for me was when I finally let myself off the hook. Being self-employed, most of what I do is self-inflicted. This is a blessing and sometimes, it’s a curse. I appreciate that most of you have deadlines and are accountable to others. Yet there is always scope in the flow of the day to pause and reflect and perhaps choose a different response.
I gave myself permission to not write because, frankly, I had nothing of value to share. It may feel like a failure, but it’s not. It’s fair. And honest. We often feel guilty or ashamed on those days when we don’t have it in us to show up. All those should’s. We feel like a failure. Instead, what would it look like to respond with kindness and curiosity?
Yesterday, I stayed in bed a bit longer. I sat quietly for a while and journaled a bit. I moved slowly. I ran a couple of coaching sessions, but I don’t find them taxing. The connection and warmth and the flow of giving and receiving are nourishing (thank you, you know who you are :) ) I did some gentle stretches; I made a nice lunch and went for a long, late afternoon walk with my son. It was stunning – the golden hour. We watched the tide come in and it had struck me – when was the last time I had the patience, the time to do that? To watch, really watch the tide come in.
