I think of myself as a continuous work in progress. There is always something that I’m working on, and right now, it's all about integration. I am trying to integrate parts of me that have been somewhat disowned over the years as I went about getting stuff done.
To keep things in front of my mind, I often write myself little notes and put them around the place where I can see them. So, in bright red felt tip, I wrote INTEGRATION in caps lock, circled it boldly and stuck it on my wall with a bit of blue tack. It stood out and would often grab my attention and remind me of the inner work I was committed to.
This was nearly four weeks ago.
Then, in the last week, I started noticing something curious. Every day, the writing was getting fainter. There is sunlight pouring in through the window next to the note, and this morning when I looked, the writing had almost disappeared. It felt like magic. And then it struck me – this is what integration is like – when something truly integrates, it disintegrates, dissolves into the greater whole.
I am a person comfortable at the extremes and forever striving for the elusive middle ground, so the irony of what was happening was not lost on me. There was something so gentle and gracious about watching nature and time do their thing. Day by day, the sun shines through the window and day by day, hour by hour, the ink slowly fades.
Perhaps all that is needed is to allow some space for the awareness to shine through, for the ink of old habits and beliefs that keep us stuck in pain, or denial or discontent or exhaustion or whatever it is, to gently fade away. Perhaps we are trying too hard, thinking too much, seeking another perfect solution to our problems when we could be a bit more like sunlight fading the ink - gentle and easeful, not rushing yet consistent.
Just some food for thought…